Our journey throughout our first year of marriage and our second deployment.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

What To Know During Deployments..

..Or better yet.. Things I've Learned During THIS Deployment!!!! 1. Learn who to talk to 2. Be prepared for those around you to not understand 2.5 Be prepared for your situation to be taken advantage of 3. Have your way of "relieving stress" 4. Be like a duck.. and when you can't quack, turn into a happy mime 5. Be realistic about your situation There are so many things I would love to do. And my number 1 thing to do right now if I could would be to delete my facebook or combine it with David's so that people can communicate with me if they want, but I don't have to mess with it. I think there would be so much more time and so much less drama. And things would just be easier. So.. a more in depth perspective of my top 5 things to know during a deployment.. NUMBER 1- Know who to talk to There will be very few people who will actually UNDERSTAND what you are going through. Part of relationships is knowing what person you can go to about what thing and what you're going to learn from that conversation. Most of my friends are unmarried. The ones who are have been married for a short time and it sometimes makes me chuckle when they panic at being apart for a day or two. Get real please. I am blessed to have 3 sisters whose significant others are involved in the military, and having gone through a deployment while dating/being engaged and now going through one as a spouse, I can be sympathetic and understanding to all of my sisters, especially when two of us are facing deployments at the same time. Other members of my family deal with the effects of having the soldiers gone, but it's different. One relationship that I can point out is my Mom. I love my Momma to death and if I ever heard any negativity about her I would smackdown with someone. But, I can also be upset about certain things. In my opinion, I would think one could go to their mother, especially at my age, and have an adult conversation with her and it be on both a mother/daughter and a friend level. If I'm having a difficult day, I sometimes just want to call my Mom and complain and her tell me it will be ok and sympathize with me. And I normally get the "This is the life you chose" or "You're just going to have to suck it up". Yeah... easier said than done Momma... and I'd like to see YOU suck it up if you were going through this!!! There's also her reasoning of "I'm not going to help you any if I just let you complain and don't tell you what you need to hear". Well no, actually that would be helpful in some circumstances. ARGH!!! It's difficult to limit who you talk to about what.. I am NOT a filter person. I like to be open with everyone involved in my life, but sometimes you have to guard what individuals know, even if they're your family. So, there's Challenge #1. #2-I kind of touched up on this with #1.. oops! Hey, two birds one stone, right? NUMBER 2.5- Be prepared for your situation to be taken advantage of.. This ties in with people not understanding. I'd say 98% of the time, people ask how Hubby is doing and what he's doing overseas, when he'll be home.. comment on how hard that is and how thankful they are for his service... and that's appreciated. It's nice to know others are thinking about him and praying about him. But darnit it is SO frustrating that most individuals think NOTHING of what happens right in front of them and in their own neighborhoods with the spouses, children, and family that stay behind. I could probably count on less than a hand how many times I have heard people discuss what the Wives deal with at home. And worse yet, I think, is because I am a spouse without children, being told that those with children have it much harder than I or other spouses without children. NOW- I will give it up for the men and women who stay at home and battle being away from their spouse AS WELL AS taking care of the children, the emotions, the confusion, bridging the gap and being both parents at the same time.... but I will say that there are pros and cons to both scenarios. While I may not have others to be responsible for, I come home to an empty house every night and spend the majority of my time alone. No, I don't have to worry about the safety of my children, my hubby, and myself, but I am completely alone if anything WERE to happen. And I don't have the companionship and affection that comes with having a child. I love my fur babies, and Taco can give his fair share of kisses, but he can't hug and he can't tell me he loves me. So.. just thank a military spouse next time you ask about a soldier. Chances are if you ask us how we're doing, we're not going to pour everything out, but it will mean LOADS to be considered. NUMBER 3- Have your way of "relieving stress" Whether it's working out, scrapbooking, shopping (I don't totally recommend that), picking up a new hobby, having a different "theme" for every day, or cursing like a sailor...eveyone needs their THING that works in letting some steam off every now and then. I personally will 'fess up that I love to shop, scrapbook when I feel like I have the time, watch Disney movies and musicals, sing songs to the top of my lungs,...and say the occasional curse word! I don't have children either, so I don't feel TOO bad about that last one. I'll have to pick up something else in the future when we have children and deal with deployments at the same time. Oh JOY! NUMBER 4- Be like a duck and when you can't "quack" turn into a "Happy Mime" Ever heard the saying "Let it roll off your back" or "Be like a duck"? During deployments, either because of the change or because of all of the added stress, every emotion is heightened.. From what I've been told, it's what I personally would imagine pregnancy being like. Everything is a bigger deal than it seems. Things can be said that would normally NOT effect you, but it just happens to hit a nerve. And when it's that time of the month... Oh my, you better look out! ;) It's easier to just develop a "hard shell" and let matters roll off your back and not bother you. And when there are those moments that get under your skin (And there will DEFINITELY be those moments) just "SMILE AND NOD" as my Hubby Dearest says! I've gotten plenty of practice with the "SMILE AND NOD" in the last year. AND... LAST BUT NOTTT LEAST!!! NUMBER 5- Be realistic about your situation This can be helpful or hurtful, just depending on who you are and how you handle things. I live life in a bubble and to get through everything happening with the Hubby, I envision him working a job in another country so I don't think about the safety or what he's ACTUALLY doing. If I thought about it constantly, I'd go crazy. BUT.. when I have to zap to reality, ... let's just say it would be easier for me to view things realistically and in its entirety of where he is and what he's doing. And instead of lying to myself, having faith that he is being taken care of, that he has been appropriately trained for this mission and that whatever happens is in God's control. His location doesn't matter, because anything could happen anywhere at any time and I have no control of that. But this is definitely the most recent realization and the thing I'm working on the most at this point. And just so you know, this is in NO WAY a 5 step thing to make deployments easier for anyone. If it helps, great!! These are just the realizations I have personally made and developed over the past few years and deployments. Every person is different and as military spouses, we ALL know that EVERY deployment is different and just because you've gone through one or two or four.. doesn't mean they get any easier. If I ever remember who told me they get easier, I'll have a few choice words to say to that individual! More than anything, this was just a necessary ventfest! *Sigh* And now on to bed! Have a great weekend everyone!
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, Plans to bring you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11