Our journey throughout our first year of marriage and our second deployment.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Reintegration

Can I just start this off by saying that I'd prepared for the worst?!  I have a wonderful Sister who, thank you Lord, has gone through a very similar situation with her husband in their first deployment.  Now, David and I went through a deployment together in 2009 when he deployed to Iraq, but we were engaged then, and as hard as that was, it was nothing compared to this past deployment and being married! 

I would tell Aimee things about what was going on with David and she would get so frustrated because she had dealt with the same things in her husband, which made me feel better to have an opinion of what to and not to do.. what to expect.  It was nice to be able to vent to someone who not only understood, but wasn't going to take sides over one or the other!  It's not about sides, but goodness if my Momma believes David could never do any wrong!  Gosh that was so frustrating! 

Looking back, it's hard to think of where we were just a few months ago.  It brings tears to my eyes and puts a knot in my throat when I think about how we were towards one another and who we were as individuals.  I can't believe such a tremendous change occurred in just a few months.  Shorter than that actually.. it was instantaneous from the moment he got off the plane and his leave started.

It wasn't so much the reuniting that made the change, I think the understanding that a change in me personally needed to be made had been coming for a long time, it was just bringing all the pieces together to make that change click.  Once I was in his arms, I felt complete, but it was a complete that I finally realized was accentuated by David, but not necessary.  That I could reach my full potential without being entirely dependent on him.  Is it better with him around?  NO QUESTION!!! But from the moment we met back in HS, David has always silently encouraged me to be a better version of me.  The summer was more positive with that understanding.  But, there was also a shift in our relationship when leave started.  I can't explain it, because I can't explain where we were before.  Our first few months of being married, we were dealing with severe changes and the aftermath of David's first deployment.  We also didn't know what we were doing and things weren't bad, but they weren't good either.

Being apart during the first 10 months of this deployment DID NOT HELP! Imagine that?! Haha!  Things happened between us that I never thought would occur and I had never really been able to stay mad at David or him at me, but we sure learned how to over this past year.  And when we hit rock bottom over and over and continued with the fights, I was sure it couldn't get any worse.  I know that we have a large effect on the other individual.  If David would call, I would get so excited, but the second I would hear the negativity in his voice, my excitement dropped and we pulled one another down from there.  Not healthy, obviously.  But being together over leave, we knew we needed our time, that we needed to just enjoy those few weeks and enjoy one another's company and not mess with anything else.

As coming home got closer, I feared that we would face the nasty post-effects of deployment once again.  I have a problem of setting my expectations too high and I worked not to have any expectations with David coming home, which was hard.  To have complete blind faith and walk in not knowing what to expect or what will be thrown at you?  No fun.  But it's what happened.  The second we were reunited, it was just perfect.  Perfect.  Our time with family, together, apart.. it's all been great.

We've been much more communicative than in the past and we've also made an effort to do things together, even if it's David playing his games downstairs while I'm reading for class (How does he get away with not having homework?!) or checking in constantly.  We're working together on everything too, just helping one another out with things.

Since school started, our schedules haven't completely mashed up.  I have Tuesday and Thursday off with classes on Monday Wednesday and Friday and he has classes on Tuesday and Thursday and is off on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.  But it's still worked out wonderfully.  And I mean, there are the little things, like when I'm trying to read or concentrate on something and he chooses those moments to be all chatty!  Haha!  I'm thankful for him wanting to talk, but it also is irritating!

We bought a new bed (mattress, pillows, and all) since he's been home!  Believe me, I've had that bed and mattress since I was 10 years old and we NEEDED a new bed!  I know we were both sick of rolling into the middle.  But with this new and incredible bed, I guess I do things in my deep sleep that I haven't done before.  I may accidentally kick him or hit him, or talk to him in my sleep?  Poor guy.  The first night we had it, he kept waking me up, telling me I was pushing him or that I was snoring, or I was talking in my sleep.  The next night, we established a rule that if I do those things, just ignore me and roll over, because I'm probably deep in sleep and it won't help to wake me up!  :) So, things have been good.  Very routine.  He goes to work, I stay home and read... a lot.  I go to class and then to work or to rehearsal and he stays home and does stuff around the house or works on homework.  It's just been a wonderful transition.  We're in the full swing of school now with both of us working over 20 hours a week too.  So, it's busy, but we make it work!  Here's to the next year of hard work, classes, and LOTS of love and time with my Honey!!

1 comment:

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, Plans to bring you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11