I guess I would like to start this blog off by saying how thankful and blesses I am for those who shared words of encouragement in the last post, and for those family and friends who offer unsolicited advice and love. I am so appreciative and cannot express that enough.
My post yesterday was written in the midst of everything. Dave and I were talking and things had been good for a few days and then quickly spiraled out of control. One problem is the channel we are using to communicate. I'm thankful for Facebook chat and very thankful that technology is the way that it is so that he and I have the ability to talk and see one another. I know previous veterans and wives have not been so blessed and I thank God for the ability to communicate with David through multiple resources. However, Facebook chat gives NO source of emotion and it's difficult to communicate that way.. and that being our main way of talking, it just stinks sometimes. So, as we were talking on chat, things got crazy and I felt like there was nowhere to "vomit" up how I was feeling. I sat in my living room for a few hours just trying desperately to gather my thoughts, a complete mix of emotions that probably has to do with how close R&R is, me about to start my period, and just everything going right now. I have worked not to exploit things to others. Our family and friends are aware of us dealing with difficult times and are praying for us, but we have tried not to share details of what exactly is going on. I wrote the post yesterday thinking that no family and friends followed/read my blog, so I was expecting to be talking to a wall and just releasing some thoughts in hopes that things would make more sense. It helped immensely to let some things out and hear encouragement from others.
Now that I'm not a ball of feelings and emotions, I want to clarify some things. I love my husband more than anything! He is my best friend and my other half. It has been the biggest struggle to balance life without him and to try to go on with us being so far away for so long. I YEARN desperately to be with him again and to go back to that sense of completeness when we are together. David has always and will always make me into a better person. He sees me for who I am and he loves me and encourages me despite my faults and many mistakes. He is an INCREDIBLE man and more than I could have ever thought to ask for in a husband. He fights for this country and serves with unswerving loyalty as a dedicated Christian, husband, son, brother, uncle, friend, worker, student, soldier and citizen. There are few people I know that have the heart of the many I will forever be most blessed to be married to. I love him and would do anything and everything for him, as I know he loves me and works to provide for our family and be the best spiritual leader of our home that he can be. We both may feel at times that we don't know why we are at this point or why we got here and feel like we have little fight left in us, but we will never give up on the most incredible gift God has given us.
Every relationship comes with highs and lows. God has challenged us both in multiple ways throughout our relationship. For me, it's been a challenge of patience and the understanding that I don't have to know everything. I'm being taught about balance in all aspects of life and that lesson, along with the lesson of patience, will continue on for the rest of my life. I'm being taught to love unconditionally as well as the changes that come from molding two households into one. So many changes in such little time and so many lessons being taught. I thank God for this opportunity He has given us to learn and to grow together and individually and look forward to not only what we learn through this, but what He will use us for in our growth and in our lives. I know it isn't going to be easy. No one ever said marriage is easy. We have a lot of work and a lot of growing to continue to do and that will continue on long after this deployment is over. But we have what it takes to push through this challenge and this hard time and will be better in our marriage as a result of it.
9 months ago