Our journey throughout our first year of marriage and our second deployment.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

No Light At The End of the Tunnel

It's been a long time since my last post, and I'll probably catch up on life later, but for now, I just need to type. WARNING: This blog post comes full of feelings and opinions that have been forming for months and months. I just need to lay it out there, more for my sake than anything else.

I am beyond anxious for my husband to come home for R&R. I don't know what's going to happen at this point. Apparently, the few weeks leading up to homecomings are stressful and low points for most relationships, but I had never experienced this. The past few months have been TERRIBLE. I don't know where we are or why and I don't know how to get out of this sinkhole that we are in. When did things get to this point? There's no communication and everything, regardless of how we try, turns into an argument. I feel like our marriage has been a roller coaster of emotions, ups and downs multiple times every day, and personally, I'm tired of it all and don't know how much more I can take of it. There have been points where we honestly didn't think he would come home for leave, just because things are getting that bad. We have no communication and therefore, nothing to talk about. And we've only been married for a year and a half.. I just don't know what to do. I'm tired of being preached at that everything will be fine when he gets home. I'm honestly more nervous about picking him up at the airport than I am excited to see him. I have no idea what's going to happen and no clue where we need to go from here. I feel like I don't have any fight left in me..

3 comments:

  1. I'm sorry you are having a rough time, and I cannot remotely begin to understand what you are going through. I think it would be very stressful on any relationship to be away from each other for such a long period of time, and I'm sure more than one other military wife know what you are going through. I wish I did. I just wanted you to know that I heard you and I will pray for healing and for that trip to and from the airport. I will pray for you to find your footing and for that light you can't seem to find. *big hug*

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  2. i'm sorry you're feeling this way. and trust me, I know how you feel. my husband was on two back-to-back deployments and we had many moments like that. it definitely got to the point where we didn't have anything to talk about because we'd talk almost every day. so eventually we just agreed that if there wasn't anything to talk about, we'd just keep the call short, but always made sure to tell each other "I love you" and that became enough for us. So keep us posted. I'm sure things will be okay when he gets home!

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  3. There were a lot of times while my husband was in Korea, vastly different from a deployment, that I wondered what in the world we were doing or how in the world things were going to work out. It is a crazy roller coaster of emotions when you are separated for so long. Not helped, I'll guess, by what he's going through there and by the emotions you have of worrying and waiting for him to come home. I don't have advice, but I do hope that while he is home you can turn things around.

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"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, Plans to bring you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11